— information leafblower

Float On!

I am effing exhausted, but the weekend’s shenanigans need to must be recorded for posterity’s sake.
First, the visual record, .Mac website stizz. Be sure to see “The Reacharound”. Hehehehe
The trip got off to an unsuspecting start when Danny Ainge decided to finalize a huge trade right before I left for the airport. The nerve of him! I wasn’t going to be able to read anything about this until Monday at the earliest!
My flight to the D was uneventful, except for the 300 pound dude that sat right next to me and felt the need to break out his can of Skoal right after takeoff and spit tobacco into a Coke bottle for the rest of the flight. Dude was reading The Bourne Supremacy. Movie editions of books and dipping on a plane, durstness personified.
Once I was on the ground, I quickly met up with Damore and Peabs (Peabs: “We were just looking for a dude in an Oasis or Morrissey Tshirt”) and we drove directly into Tha D and started drinking. I lost exact count, but I estimate that Damizz and Peabs said “Schmears” roughly 42 times before I even got in the car.
The Tiggers were finishing up their W over the Red Fizzle when we arrived, so we went to the roof bar attached to Comerica Park and got our drink on. JP McKrengles, Sean Tizz and others met us there. A quick call to Grambo requesting his presence was put in and we wandered down the street to the Town Pump to meet him. There we consumed roughly 22 pitchers of “The Hoe” (as Damore calls it) and general craziness ensued. I really liked that bar. Hot women, good beer and an even better jukebox/sound system. All sorts of indie faves were played and rocked out to.
After we closed that place, I realized that I hadn’t eaten anything all day, so the three of us went to the Plaka Cafe and mealed. That’s where this happened.
Then, because we didn’t drink enough, we went back to Damore’s place and consumed a few more on his awesome roof deck. Sleep came sometime after 4:30 AM.
Saturday (no hangover!) Damore and I went record shopping and then grabbed some grub at the Mack Avenue Diner while organizing the pre-game festivities for that night’s main event. A bunch of people came over to Damore’s around 7 PM and we watched the baseball game and complained about our respective teams. The Gorilla filled me in on the best nickname in the majors, that being Alex “Dirty” Sanchez (who went on the DL today BTW). Damore turned into Chef B-Boy Ardee and cooked up some tiggs burgers and chicken. We left for Grambo’s Bday Party around 10 PM.
The night gets a bit hazy from that point on but lets just say that much alcohol was consumed and at a certain point, everyone stopped using English and just spoke in the “goofy patois” of the Whatevs Nation. We drank some more…Peabs took his clothes off…the Gas Face was given…beer was poured over EVERYONE…tee’s were bovsed upon…blah blah blah. So Best. Also, if you need a DJ at your next party, you could do alot worse than Uncle Grambo. The Bday boy put together quite a playlist for the night. I don’t remember a time when I’ve drank and danced more. When in Detroit…
At some point much later in the early morning, we were finally dropped off at Damore’s place (by Foster “Mr. Peabs” Peabody in the Escalade limo while still drinking and watching Goodfellas, natch) and we went to bed and tried to prepare ourselves to start all over again on Sunday.
Peabs actually showed up at case de Damore at like 12:15 and we were at the game just after it’s 1:05 PM start. The first thing we did after getting inside was getting at 32 oz. beer. Bovs. I picked a good game to attend. There were a combined 10 home runs hit by the teams (a Comerica Park record) and Tim Wakefield, the winning pitcher, gave up 6 home runs (tying a MLB record). I created the “Tim Wakefield Drinking Game” which was basically “Every time he gives up back to back home runs, take a drink”. Sometime around the seventh inning, we went down and sat with The Gorilla something like 12 rows behind home plate. While we were sitting there, I got an actual celebrity sighting! Psuedo Jack was there! Ha!
My flight didn’t leave until 9:30 PM so we took it easy the rest of the day and I didn’t get home until 12:30 AM. At least I finally got to bed before 5 AM. Then Monday morning, my bus was 30 minutes late and I was 45 minutes late to work. Having a job to be 45 minutes late to…So Best.
I had a fucking blast in Detroit and can’t wait to go back. Big ups to Damore for being an incredible host and letting me crash at his pad (despite never having met me before) and Peabs for playing tour guide all weekend and making sure I had a full beer at all times. And for the record, Peabs (aka “The Enabler”) is exactly like you think he would be. This is a good thing. She-mars.
Also, much respect to the FOW’s. Each and every person I met in Detroit was super friendly and went out of their way to make me feel at home, particularly the Grizz and the Gorilla, who contrary to my previous beliefs, are actually two separate people. It goes without saying that everyone has an open invite to DC next time you feel like a roadtrip.
And the highlight of the weekend, my own personal contribution to the Whatevs language.

Be mad, be rash
Smoke and explode
Sell all of your clothes
Just bear in mind
There just might come a time
When you need some friends